The Struggle against the Struggle

I’m not afraid to admit that I struggle with sin. As a matter of fact, my flesh and spirit are in constant struggle with each other every day. And sometimes that struggle feels like a cold war inside of me. Sin looks and feels ever so pleasurable, yet it never really satisfies. In fact, not only does it fail to satisfy, it also leaves long term consequences that often haunt us for the rest of our life. It’s like a drug that we crave and desire for. It feels good when we take it and it tortures us when we can’t have it. Yet, the aftermath and consequences of it are devastating, and more than often, even fatal. Essentially, what I’m trying to say is that the struggle between sin and Spirit is real. Oh is it ever so real. However, a struggle always has two sides to it and this struggle doesn’t and shouldn’t end with sin. The struggle of sin can be turned into the “struggle” for holiness. We have hope – hope that we DO have a way out – hope that we don’t have to fall into sin – hope FOR purity and holiness. The chains of sin have been broken by the cross and the war has already been won. So because the war has already been won, we MUST fight for what has already been fought for us. We must fight until the struggle ends in holiness. And it MUST in holiness. It MUST end in sanctification and transformation.
Desire for purity and strive for holiness. Seek the Lord and seek to be like Him. 1 Peter 1: 16 says: “Be holy for I am holy”. God wouldn’t and doesn’t instruct us to do something that we cannot do. So strive. Strive for holiness. Ever so strive.

I wrote this poem as an acknowledgement of the struggle of sin – the struggle of hating sin, yet loving it at the same time. It’s about the war that we are constantly battling in our inner selves and between the two halves of our body – flesh and spirit. It’s about the struggle of struggling with sin and about the fight that we have to fight every day. But ultimately, it’s about striving to win the war for the cause of purity, holiness, and cleanliness. It’s about being holy for God is holy.

 

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The Struggle against the Struggle

 

Inside of me, my own sin is raging.

It is suffocating and self- mutilating.

Yet at the same time it feels terribly exhilarating.

I begin craving but nauseating,

For as I am craving I am also intoxicating.

Why do I continue violating?

Have the warnings not been resonating with my inner investigating?

 

I am elevating my own corruption,

And paving my own way to destruction.

I am manipulating with my dysfunction,

And negotiating with seduction.

It has become like a prescription of ammunition.

And this prescription has become my addiction.

And this very addiction has become my greatest affliction.

 

All this immorality, profanity, and depravity.

It feels like gravity driving me to my insanity;

Like abnormality playing with my normality;

Like irrationality mixed with rationality.

My mentality is fighting with reality.

My humanity is warring with my morality.

Now my capacity is reaching its mortality.

 

The struggle within the struggle.

The struggle within our sin.

The struggle to hate our sin

And the struggle of loving our sin.

Our sin is mesmerizing; in fact it is almost hypnotizing.

Why with all the advertising, it even begins to look appetizing…

But ingest a dose of it and it is forever paralyzing.

 

It’s only a matter of time before this infatuation brings us to our suffocation;

Before our fascination turns on us in assassination.

And if we don’t forfeit our reputation,

We will never achieve restoration, but be forever in separation.

The qualification for sanctification is to be in desperation for purification.

And to be in desperation for purification requires the application of our humiliation.

And this activation will bring our transformation, which will give us the ultimate salvation.

 

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A struggle isn’t a struggle if one side of the struggle completely outweighs the other. So struggle to make holiness outweigh sin. Struggle to make sin no longer a struggle.
And strive, ever so strive. Strive for holiness, desire for purity, and advocate for sanctification. Be holy for God is holy.

 

Evangelynn