From Drifting to Drowning.

by Evangelynn

 

I recently found myself at a place in my life where I didn’t quite know where I stood with God anymore. I hadn’t turned my back on Him and I truly did love Him, but when it came down to it, I could feel a distance in the relationship and I knew it was my fault. For whatever reason, I had let myself distance and I had finally come to the realization that I was further than I thought. When I had let this happen, I could not quite say. But it had gotten to the point where I had to sit down and honestly ask myself, “Where am I with God right now?”
After some days of thought and reflection, I felt God speaking to me about where I truly was with Him. During this time, the word “drifting” and a picture of a little wooden raft kept coming to me. In the time of few days, God began to slowly reveal to me what those two things meant in my life at that moment. As it came, I wrote. I scribbled some words down in my journal; now let me tell you a story.

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She was on this feeble sail boat somewhere in the ocean. With the shore on one side and the rest of the ocean on the other. While the ocean was pulling her, the shoreline was calling her. She wanted to reach the shore and get as close as she could. She wanted to see the beauty of the shore up close, maybe even touch the warmth of the shore sand. If it took a lifetime, then so be it… But now that she had been on this boat for quite some time, she grew tired. So she soon abandoned her paddle and gave up rowing to shore. She become comfortable and latent – she let herself drift. The drifting was subtle, but that’s why it was dangerous. Asleep and unaware, she soon found herself lost, wondering what she’d let happen and wondering where she now was. From drifting to drowning, she saw it coming, but had yet let it happen.
Now here are her thoughts…

“I’m on this little sail boat, and I’m drifting from shore.
I sway in… I sway out, I’ve lost in the out pour.
So I begin to drift, straying farther than I should –
Straying out of the safe zone, allured and immured.

 This sailing thing I’ve done for my whole life.
I’ve done it, I know it. Now there’s no surprise.
Routine after routine, same thing after same thing.
I’m tired. I’m bored. It’s all wearing thin.

So I’m drifting away, yet I don’t even realize it.
I’ve gone and I’ve strayed, but its hard to admit it.
Pulled farther from shore, pulled far by the waves –
I’m beginning to sink. I’m beginning to cave.

Bit by bit, piece by piece,
Parts of this boat – it floats away.
It’s happening in front of my eyes,
But I think its okay. 

Drifting away and falling again –
Still unaware of the danger I’m in.
Before you know it, I’m miles from the shore –
Farther than I’ve ever been – Farther than before.

Now far from the shore,
And faced by the winds,
I’ve drifted away,
I’ve swayed and I’ve stayed.

Screaming for help,
but so far from the shore.
Swimming effortlessly –
Is it worth it anymore?

From drifting to drowning –
How blindly we progress.
We see ourselves dying,
Yet refuse to accept.
We sway in our lies,
Now we lay in regret.

We make it appear as if we’re paddling to shore.
But when each wave comes, we’re pushed farther from shore.
We ride the waves – We go through the motions.
But we have lost ourselves in all the commotion.

The boat is our soul.
The shore is God’s presence.
The ocean is the world –
and the waves are its motions.

Our boats are falling apart,
But we can’t even see it.
Our souls are drifting,
But we’re too busy sleeping…

From drifting to drowning.
Still we don’t realize our fate.
The routines and motions have blinded us –
Made us oblivious to our soul’s true state.

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It came to me that God was speaking to me, like a warning, through this picture about how I can consciously and unconsciously let my spiritual life drift away. It’s like God was saying to me, “That’s you on the boat. You’re drifting from shore. You’re drifting from me. You’re just going through the motions and letting the waves carry you out into sea. Stop drifting; and return to shore.”

It’s hard to maintain this whole “relationship with Jesus thing” that we so often talk about. It’s hard to paddle to shore. But its so easy to let ourselves drift. It’s subtle, comfortable, and also dangerous. And if we’re not careful – if we let ourselves become comfortable in drifting – we will soon find ourselves further from God than we had even thought. Distance from God means vulnerability to the temptations of the world. That’s deadly. When we let our boats fall apart and drift away from shore, we are allowing ourselves to become vulnerable to the ocean. And if we let ourselves drift, before we know it we will have gone from drifting to drowning.

But I know. It’s so easy to drift. Drifting is very subtle, slow, and gradual. It feels comfortable and even natural. In the same way, it has become so easy to just “do church.” It seems effortless now. But effortlessness is dangerousness. See sometimes its even more dangerous when we’re actively involved in church because then it becomes harder to detect when we’re drifting. On the outside, it may seem like we are crazy, loving Jesus freaks. But on the inside, we’re mortally dried up. We go through the motions of the waves and get so caught up with it that we forget where we’re even going. We do everything we’re supposed to do and say everything we’re supposed to say. We lift our hands in worship and post a nice Bible verse on Facebook. But there’s nothing deeper than that. Yet we think there is… We have not only fooled others into thinking that we have it all together, but we have fooled ourselves too. Hah. Now that’s a good liar… But here’s the thing. We can lie to others and we can lie to ourselves. But we can’t lie to God.

It takes courage to admit it when you’re drifting, but only then can you begin to find your way back to shore. It took courage for me to admit it. It takes courage for me to admit it here now. But we can’t allow ourselves to drift away from God until its too late. We can’t let ourselves go from drifting to drowning; because drowning will lead to dying. It takes continual checking of our hearts, continual pursuit of God’s presence, and continual conversing with Holy Spirit to curb from drifting. We need to go deeper and develop intimacy with Him in the stillness of the water. Just like any relationship, our relationship with Christ takes work and perseverance. In order to reach the shore, we have to work towards it. So paddle. Don’t just go through the motions of the waves. Don’t drift and don’t sway. The shore is beckoning. Turn your boat around and paddle.

❤
Evangelynn